Energy Guide 8/21/09
Topic : transformation/growing pains
It has been a while since I have written, which always means that there have been major shifts in my own life. These past few weeks have been particularly difficult. I have made some decisions to follow my heart and soul. Decisions that were not easy and that involved pain. Not only pain for myself but for many others around me. Decisions that have lead to events that I could have never predicted. Events that have my entire life turned upside down. Events that have made me feel like I have no floor under my feet to support me. That being said, I would have not made any other decisions than what I did. It was a decision made from the depth of who I am and it was made with the growth of my soul as its impetus. I knew it would not be easy but had no idea how much would change as a result of my actions. All of this has left me reeling, wondering why I was lead down this road, but never questioning my choices. I have felt supported by God even when no one else seems to understand. I have surrendered control and no longer have to do what is logical but, instead am following something else. I am following a divine guidance that reassures me, in my darkest hours of doubt, that indeed everything will be ok. In fact as my old life crumbles I have an ongoing promise that whatever takes form, whatever rises from these ashes will be even better than I could imagine. Whatever comes in will be true to who I am and the days of pretending and facades will be done.
As I have been struggling with the major transformations in my life I have been rereading old books and little tidbits I have written through the years. I was led back to one of the places that restarted me on my journey towards spirituality. When I began craving something more years ago I started by studying and learning as much as I could about the old Jewish mysticism Kabala. It was a good starting point and I appreciate everything I learned in my studies. The information leads me to continue my search and turn that search inside and towards my own individual relationship with God. Within the teaching of Kabala there is a story that relates to the topic of this guide. It is originally a story about the creation of the universe, but as I recently reread it the application to the ongoing process of creation struck me.
The creation story is about The Light and the vessel. The story goes that in the beginning before space and time the only thing that existed was the Light (God/Creator). It was not like the light we see from a bulb or candle but an ever present energy that was everywhere and everything. The nature of this light was that of perpetual giving. This light existed solitary until one day it decided to create its opposite. It wanted to create something to receive. Upon the idea the vessel was immediately in form. For millions of years the Light and the vessel existed together. The light perpetually giving of itself and the vessel only receiving. Then one day the vessel decided that it wanted to be able to give as well. The vessel withdrew itself from the Light in order to find its own giving nature. The minute the Light was no longer hitting the vessel, the vessel was immediately overwhelmed with desire to get the Light back. The vessel rushed back into the Light. In doing so however the vessel received the Light back all at once. That much Light at once was more than the vessel’s structure could handle. When the Light hit the vessel it instantaneously burst into billions of pieces that scattered across the universe. These pieces according to Kabalistic tradition are the building blocks of our world and ourselves. They are what make up all matter. In essence the Big Bang.
The story was always interesting to me as a metaphor for creation, for the initial start up of everything in the universe. Until my recent experiences I had never saw its application to general day to day life. I could never see how it could apply to the ongoing process of creation, that we are all involved in every day. My vessel just shattered, just like the vessels of millions of people before me. Just like you have all at one time or another had your own vessels shattered (and if not I am certain you will at some point if you are moving forward and creating in your life). If we are seeking to change our nature and align it with that of the Creator and seek to become beings of giving, then it is part of the process to have our vessel’s shattered.
It occurred to me that I have watched countless people as their own vessels shattered and that the reaction to this explosion is generally the same. We try to catch all the pieces and glue the vessel back together. We get upset at the loss of the vessel and obsess about what used to be. But in the original example of the creation process, in the creation of our universe this was not the reaction. The Light did not try to gather up the pieces of the vessel. It did not even create a replica to replace what had burst into endless pieces. The Light allowed something new to form. The Light let the inertia of the explosion continue in its own manner forming what it would. Trusting that an even more perfect form would take shape to receive the Light’s perpetual giving.
The message was clear. These explosions, these bursting vessels in our lives are opportunity. We view them as bad, we call it tragedy. If we were there to witness the bursting of the first vessel we would say “what a horrible thing, what is going to happen now that there is no vessel to receive, all is lost”. We would cry and wish for the vessel’s return, being completely unaware that in hoping for the old to return, in clinging to the old we would be preventing our universe from its creation. It is the same in the mini bursting vessels of our lives. There is pain as the vessels break. There is loss and mourning but, as the pieces scatter to the wind they float on the opportunity for something new and even more grand to be created. Within every tragedy lie the seeds of a new beginning, a new creation.
We can resist the process. We can try to tape together, pick up the pieces and glue them together frantically as our vessels break. However, in doing this we stay stuck, unable to move forward. We also increase our own misery by prolonging our suffering, by not letting go. There is another option, we can choose to act as the Light did and surrender to the process, to see what will come to form if we trust in God’s love and plan. Trust as the Light trusted, that creation has its own way of working things out. In doing this we find that perhaps there is a place of peace within the raging storms that blow into our lives.
As I continue to stand in the middle of my own storm, with my vessel in a billion pieces I am choosing the path of surrender and trust. It feels as if the world is looking at me like I must be out of my mind, but all I know and feel is my truth and I hold firm to that.
Generally these messages are global and I am hoping they apply to many people. This one I hope does not. But I know that at one point or another every one of you reading this will be able to relate. I hope you will save this and look back on it when your vessel breaks and you are feeling the loss. The “tragedy” of the broken vessel is a part of a beautiful process we call creation. I hope that knowledge can give you the peace it has given me.
With Love and Truth