Topic Riding the waves
When I first began thinking about writing this I told a friend I thought it was going to be about suffering. With the theme of Easter and with my own personal struggles there was a lot of thought about suffering and the purpose of suffering. I recently had my tonsils and adnoids removed, not an easy gig for an adult. As I have been recovering I have been thinking about the pain and the purpose of that pain, the purpose of any pain we experience for that matter. I thought about Jesus’ pain on the cross and what purpose that may have served.
A few times in the past week I literally tried to force myself to write (not usually how it goes- usually I have a huge urge to write even when I do not know what I will write about and it just flows). This time I had all these understandings about pain and wanted to share them but was not able to- not yet. Mainly because I had not gotten the full story yet and it would have been an incomplete message.
The past few weeks I have gained insight about pain and suffering. We all are searching for ways to avoid pain. Still it exists. Even great masters and spiritual leaders have pain in their lives. Although great master do not experience suffering , generally. The difference is that pain is an experience- it is a part of nature. It is a part of what we came to experience. Pain is brief, and once it is gone we scarcely remember it. We for sure do not remember it vividly. Generally pain comes with a lesson either about our emotions, or our physical bodies. Do not over do a work out. Do not push yourself past your physical limits or you will break something and have pain. We learn about attachment to things and people and how those attachments without space, or without solid inner love and fulfillment leads to pain. Mostly if we are really aware we learn that if we hold on to the pain and do not surrender to it as being a part of nature that we then suffer. Suffering is pain that we are unable or unwilling to let go of. Even in physical pain we can resist and struggle against what we feel or we can experience a surrender and an opening up to finding a spot of comfort within our pain. When we do that we free ourselves from suffering.
When I think about Jesus on the cross I get this feeling like as he was in agony saying ” God why have you forsaken me” that suddenly there was a surrender. That had we been there to witness it would have been palpable. It would have had an energy of it own that was felt all around and seen on his face. A surrender to the pain and solace in God’s care the moment that surrender occurred. When that transformation happened and surrender to God was chosen, suffering stopped. Jesus was free to love all of humanity and beg forgiveness for those who persecuted him- not an act a man in suffering can do.
This leads to today’s ideas- that part I had been missing. So often we try to end our suffering or even our pain by trying to find answers or by doing something through our own will alone. People give all kinds of advice on what you should or should not do when you are in pain. Pain has its purpose to wake us up, to honor our natural selves, to work with nature. Pain is a reminder. We can not outrun it, or out smart it. We can shorten the amount and intensity of our pain however. The only way is through the surrender to it. To accept that at that moment we are feeling pain and to accept it as it is to work with it an not fight against it. The moment we can do that, we then are open to the universal push that will allow us to rise above the pain. We open a space for nature to take action- for God to care for us. It is not done through force of will it is done through partnership with the Universe.
I have been in pain for 11 days now. I have known enough to know that when I was ready to heal I would feel it and know it was time to push myself. I finally got that signal today. If I had ego involved I would have said I needed to push myself five days ago- I sure was ready to but it was not in alignment with Divine time then. If I had listened to people around me I would have been pushing myself after 3 days, and according to others I should not push myself now. But to live in partnership with the Universe, with God one has to listen to that stillness for the signal- no one outside us can tell us, logic can not figure it out, and ego can not force it to happen on our clock.
The image I received today when I realized it was time for me to begin pushing myself was that of a wave. Actually it was the idea of body surfing or boogie boarding. When I was a kid I used to travel a lot (I had a flight attendant mom). I went to the ocean a lot and loved to ride the waves. I seemed to have a natural gift for the timing of those waves. Other kids would struggle to catch it at the right time but somehow this little feeling in my stomach would say “now!” and I would start paddling and hit the wave perfect. If you begin paddling too soon you tire out and can not keep up with the wave to ride it right. If you wait to long you miss the wave and do not have that added momentum to really make you sail across the water. There is a balance between effort and the added push the wave gives to make for the perfect ride. This is the same idea for anything we seek to do. It is especially true for overcoming pain. I have found in life whether is over coming hard situations, knowing when to talk about a subject, knowing when to pursue a dream or idea that if I listen to that still place it will give me the same “now” as I heard when riding the waves.
As we experience pain people around us will say “you need to to this or that now”, our egos will say “I am tired of this do something to make it better now”. If we listen to that we end up expending energy for nothing. We work twice as hard and never get the assistance of the Universe. We are paddling before the wave and will tire out before we can catch it and ride it. If we allow fear to keep us from moving forward or think that the Universe will do all the work for us we end up missing the wave entirely. There is a balance to the effort we put in and the timing we chose to allow the Universe to help us get through all the experiences of life with grace. When we stay out of other peoples lives by refraining from telling them they need to do this or that right now, we allow them to experience their own flow and they can then experience the grace of the Universe. I find shutting out the worries of other’s to be the hardest part to following that Divine timing. I want to create a t shirt to wear with a wave on it that says ” allow other’s to follow their own flow”. For some it may be their own inner voice that keeps them from following that timing. Either the voice screaming “you need to do something now or all hell is going to break lose” (ego voice) or the self doubting voice that says “I am not sure if this is right, I am not sure if its time” (when the signs are everywhere saying “ACT!, DO SOMETHING NOW”)
I have been in pain the past 11 days but I have not suffered because I knew Divine timing would come and that wave would gather energy and that at just the right moment I could begin my work of paddling and work with the Universe to feel better. I surrendered to my pain and listened to the things it had to tell me. I would have suffered if I had thought I was in total control and could will myself better sooner than nature had intended. I could stand to suffer more if I ignore the push to push myself to take action towards my healing now. I have been feeling the wave gather its energy around me and I took comfort in knowing that it was coming without trying to force it.
Take time to sit in the stillness and to know that part of you. That is the internal timeclock- that part of you that flows with nature. You will find your timing to be perfect in anything you do if you get to know that place within you. It is not made of logic and does not listen to what other people say about when you should or shouldn’t do things. Its not a place where you figure things out with numbers, charts or formulas, its a feeling and it is always there to guide us. When ego says ” I need it my way now” we can know that it is not in alignment with nature. When fear says ” I am not sure if I am ready or if I can, or if I deserve this” we can know that it is not part of the flow of nature. Nature does not give us signals to go if we are not ready. Nature always flows and there is always a gradual build up of energy before the action. When we are still we are in tune with this and can flow with it. This is how pain is over come. This is how we find fulfillment, by knowing that place.
When you are feeling the urge to do things now, or feeling like even though everything around you is saying its time to act that maybe you can not do it, take a moment to listen to what that silent place in you says. Of course this doe not apply when you are in immenent danger that is what primal brain was made for, but when you are living day to day. Check to see what that need for urgency or that self doubt is about and then try to see if you can find the Divine timing and flow instead of forcing you will or staying stuck in fear. You will find life is much more pleasant and the pain is much less intense when it occurs.
Take some time this month to find the space where you can catch the wave and work with the Universe in partnership. The ride is exhilarating. Enjoy!
With Love and Truth