Topic: accepting love
This will be a shorter post. I was feeling like I was supposed to write one more message before the holidays and before I tune into the upcoming year next week. I kept getting messages, things meant for me that I thought could be good posts but I was never led to write. I had messages about the purpose of antagonists in our lives, things about love, things about the love between mother and child- great messages that will probably come out when the energy is appropriate for them. Today, actually just about a half hour ago I finally got the message that is appropriate to right now. I have to say it is a lovely thing to keep in mind as we reconnect and spend time with family and friends. This message spoke deeply to me and reached a very deep small place in my heart and I knew it needed to be shared.
The message I recieved today is about seeing and accepting the love of those around us. I was lead to see a pattern in my own life today and I believe in my work and through the people I know that this is a human pattern that is common to all of us. We enter into relationships of various kinds and things are great. We are able to see the good in our friends and lovers. Somehow over time this connection seems to change. I know for myself in relationships of all kinds, romantic, family and friends I somehow end up feeling like the person is not expressing their care. I get into the “poor me’s” and feel bad saying things in my head like ” I am not sure what happened why this person does not care for me like they used to”. I remember doing this as a child with my parents and friends and as an adult in romantic relationships. I see this in other people as well. Clients come to me and say their mate does not express love like they used to, or friends talk about other friends as not caring.
At some point we have all felt the feeling of thinking we are the only one giving in a relationship. The message that I recieved has to do with noticing the way people love us. A few years ago I read the book ” The Path to Love” by Deepak Choprah. I have lent that book out or recommended it to countless people since. I actually think it should be required reading for juniors in highschool. The one point that changed my view of relationships completely was that in a truly loving relationship one needs to let go of all expectations. The point of love is to experience unrestrained love- with no string attached, not becasue we will get loved back but just to love for the sake of loving. To truly get that concept is profound and changes how a person looks at all relatioships. It is incredably freeing to just love for the joy of getting the opportunity to love. It is a fantastic thing that we get the opportunity to love. This concept was taken a step further today in the message.
I began to notice that even though I was enjoying loving the people in my life for the sake of loving, I still held on to expectations when I knew people cared about how I expected them to show that care. I would think “if that person loves me like they say they do they would… (hug me more, tell me, give me a gift etc. etc. etc.)”. I hear stories of other people doing this as well. People go to family gatherings and they want their mother or father to have a heart to heart to say they love them, or they want people they care about to behave a certain way, thinking the same thoughts I do “if they cared about me they would…, or if they cared about me they wouldn’t…”.
Today it was shown to me that in doing this we cause ourselves to miss the ways the people we care about do show they car about us. We become so fixated on wanting that care to be shown in a specific way that we do not see the broader picture. Maybe I want my mate to hug me and say sweet things to me and I fixate on that so much that I miss the fact he did something extra around the house, or took time to help me, or spent time taking care of someone else I love. We then close down and shut people out letting ourselves feel like vicitms. The love that we give comes back everytime- if its not a cosmic law it should be- because it hold true everytime. The problem is that it does not always come back the way we want it to and in the timing we want it to. It may come back in such an unexpected way that we miss it completely. The result is we begin to feel depleted and sorry for ourselves. Love is a cycle and if we remember that it is always a cycle we can relax and be open to recieving love in all its forms.
One more brief sotry comes to mind to illustrate how subtly people can express love. There is a story in Kabbalism about an old man who is very grouchy. He yells at people who go near his property, he sneers at people on the street, he will not talk to anybody and when he does he is always unpleasant. Everyone in the town knows this man and avoids him. They all talk about what an awful man he is and how there is no good in him at all. One day the old man dies. Upon his death a secret is uncovered. For years every December the poorest towns people would recieve a backet with food and goods and money in it. A very generous gift that allowed these people to some times keep their homes or eat when they would not have otherwise been able to eat. When the grouchy old man died the remainder of his fountune was left to these poor towns people and they were all told that it was this man who had given to them for all of those years without wanting recognition. He was loving for the sake of loving and doing it in a way that others did not expect and therefore could not see in the man. They all thought he was horrible and could not see his love being expressed.
The assignment this week is to keep this in mind when you are around those you love. Love openly and without reservations. Love with out expectations and look for the ways those you love show you they love you. Some people are very sublte in their expression of love. Some people do not like other people to see them giving love so notice how everyone (and I mean everyone) gives love. Its part of being human. Maybe this will help you with that grouchy grandpa, or aunt, or the demanding parent or withdrawn lover- they are expressing love too if you open yourself up to notice how without expecting them to give it your way (:
Happy holidays With Love!