Energy Guide 10/20/11

October 20th, 2011

Topic: the endless circle of getting even

Long time no post!  Let me begin by apologizing for the long delay.  To be truthful I have always tried to maintain integrity with these posts- trying to follow wisdom from a higher source and taking care to not use this as a means to deal with my own stuff.  I have had, like so many others a tough couple of months.  Lots of ups and downs,  joys and disappointment- its been quite a ride.  Due to all of that, its been very hard for me to tell the difference between the message of the Universe and my own inner struggles to deal with all the ups and downs.  For that reason I held off on posting for a while.  I have still seen patterns and gotten messages but was somehow stopped from getting anything clear enough to post.  The past few weeks I finally received a message and had it confirmed over and over again to the point I knew it was a post that needed to be done.  Then when my own laziness kicked in a friend who reads the posts helped remind me that these posts are important and that I need to get off my butt and start again- she was much nicer about it but that was the message I took from the Universe through her kind words inquiring about the big gap in posts :)  So here we go again!

I have been noticing this pattern since last year.  I work part time at a school and last school year I was at a school with wonderful kids-  it was a higher poverty school with very urban students.  This theme kept coming up over and over and I found myself saying the same thing to student after student, and then to clients in my private practice, and to friends, sometimes even to strangers I did not know at all and also to myself.  I found myself observing this pattern of revenge.  Seeing this way of thinking where everyone seemed to be trying to get even with someone for something.  Not only was it a single act of revenge but then the person who the revenge was targeted on would then feel a need to also get even back…and so the cycle was created.

What I have seen is that for the most part the initial act was something that was done inadvertently.  I have come to believe that people are not usually initially trying to hurt eachother for no reason- there is usually a misunderstanding behind the actions that cause hurt.  At the school a child gives another child a look, or a rumor is spread that one student said something about another.  Then instead of going and asking the “perpetrator” about the incident, instead of making sure there was ill intent, the “victim” just assumed the guilt and malicious intent of the “perpetrator” and began plotting their revenge.  The “perpetrator” often times being unaware of what they did, or even that they actually had done anything at all to incite anger then is caught off guard and feels the revenge attack was unprovoked, then they begin seeking their own revenge.  Sometimes both sides then lobby others to take their side until large groups are caught in an “us” versus “them” mentality that is hard to break…I mean both sides believe they were in the right and the otherside started it all.

From outside this whole thing seems so silly and so easy to fix.  Its just  a matter of stepping back and seeing things clearly. seeing it all stemmed from a big misunderstanding.  But from the inside, the urge is so strong to not back down.  It becomes besides the point that it all started from a misunderstanding or miscommunication…all that matters is that “we” are right and the “others” must pay for the wrongs they have done.

When I explain it like this it is so easy for all of us to sit back and say ” that is so silly, people need to just let go of their ego or see the bigger picture” but when we are honest with ourselves we have all been in this same scenerio many times.  Heck some of us may be in the middle of it right now.  This is not something limited to urban youth, although sometimes they are the group we find it easiest to see the silly nature of this cycle in, especially gang related violence- that is this cycle taken to an extreme.  This same cycle spans across age, across race, across gender, across economic is a human condition and frankly a human flaw…and we have all had or still have it to varying degrees.

The saddest part about this whole cycle, the thing that is truly only apparent to the people outside the cycle is that basically by engaging in it we are truly only hurting ourselves.  The energy, the negative thoughts, the planning, the self limiting it takes to plan revenge, to get even ends up often making us feel more drained and does not bring the happiness and satisfaction we think it will.  Many times those revenge plans boom-a-rang and smack us back in our own faces.  The best part is to watch that happen and then see the revenge seeker get even more mad at the “perpetrator”.  They say things like ” now look at what he did, now I am really going to get him” and begin planning even more ways to get even, seeing the self inflicted fallout of their backfired revenge as something the ‘perpetrator” did instead of seeing it was their own anger and revenge seeking that caused them pain.

When we step back from this cycle and try to disconnect from the emotional fuel that keeps the need for revenge burning we can see how unhappy all this revenge seeking truly makes us.  Masters who have learned non violence and can forgive people for their wrongs,  have done so by making a choice to disengage in this cycle.  They have seen how being a part of the cycle of revenge only can bring more pain and suffering.   By disengaging they find peace and inner satisfaction.  It is that cycle that keeps us in bondage.  The way to break free is to make a choice to not participate in it anymore.  When we begin to get sucked in, to remind ourselves to take a moment to see what is going on and to seek peace and reconnection instead of thinking happiness will come through getting even or ” letting that person know how it feels”.

Happiness comes from within, unhappiness comes from being so stuck in our own perceptions that we think they are the only way to see the world.  Opening up to another’s view allows for understanding and forgiveness.  It may mean you still disagree, but you now disagree with understanding and that allows space for compromise or to simply agree to disagree, without needing to force our will on another or get even with them.

As I talked to one little girl I worked with as she was telling me about her plan to get even, I asked her what the person she sought revenge on would think and what they would do..she said “well she will probably do it back to me” and I said ” what will you do?” and she said ” I will get her twice as bad then”  and I asked again ” what will she do?” and she said “she will probably do something to me”.  I then asked ” when will it end?” and she replied ” I don’t know”.  I then asked ” what if you just decide to move on and let it go, focusing on people who are kind to you and on other things besides this person you do not get along with?”.  She replied ” I can’t do that”.  I asked “why?”.  She replied ” because then she would win”.  I asked what that means and she could not answer.  I then asked ” what are you getting from this, is it making you happy?”  and she said “no, but it will when I get even”.  I said ” you have gotten even, but you still do not seem happy”.  She just sat and looked at me and I said ” Can you be the person who breaks this cycle?”  and she said “no, that’s just how things are in the world”  and I replied ” I do not want to be a part of THAT world I hope you can join me in my world its much happier here”.

This is not just a message for that little girl.  It is for couples who are stuck in trying to make their partner feel their pain, for parents and children trying to assert their will, for friends, co workers, rivals, classmates anyone who finds themselves stuck in the cycle.  Its our choice as to the world we want to live in, its our creation-ALWAYS.

As always this is a continual work in progress.  We find we are able to do it in some situations with some people and then months later we find a new situation that draws us unwittingly back into that old cycle again.  The point to these messages is to bring awareness to a pattern, to shed light on to practices and ideas that help to create happiness and freedom for all of us.  I write these things not as an expert at them but as a student who is also learning how to work with these ideas just as all of you are.  Awareness is the first step towards deeper long lasting changes.  So whether you find yourself in this cycle right now, or find you are being drawn in sometime from now..try to take that step back to create awareness of what is going on…try to see the big picture and see were the cycle began and look for ways to stop the cycle.  This message is not about letting people have their way all the time. .. its not about always giving in but it is about trying to create understanding.  It is ok to confront people when you feel they are doing things that hurt you or are not right, but be open to their true intentions and do not always assume they are trying to hurt you or others, or trying to create problems.  I find we are all just doing our best with what we have and what we know- sometimes giving knowledge is all it takes to break the cycle.  In the end it only takes one side to stop the whole never ending cycle of revenge and create peace.

Here is wishing you all a month of peace and understanding in your relationships and your lives.

Energy Guide 4/27/11

April 26th, 2011

Topic Riding the waves

When I first began thinking about writing this I told a friend I thought it was going to be about suffering.  With the theme of Easter and with my own personal struggles there was a lot of thought about suffering and the purpose of suffering.  I recently had my tonsils and adnoids removed, not an easy gig for an adult.  As I have been recovering I have been thinking about the pain and the purpose of that pain, the purpose of any pain we experience for that matter.  I thought about Jesus’ pain on the cross and what purpose that may have served.

A few times in the past week I literally tried to force myself to write (not usually how it goes- usually I have a huge urge to write even when I do not know what I will write about and it just flows).  This time I had all these understandings about pain and wanted to share them but was not able to- not yet.  Mainly because I had not gotten the full story yet and it would have been an incomplete message.

The past few weeks I have gained insight about pain and suffering.  We all are searching for ways to avoid pain.  Still it exists.  Even great masters  and spiritual leaders have pain in their lives.  Although great master do not experience suffering , generally.  The difference is that pain is an experience- it is a part of nature.  It is a part of what we came to experience.  Pain is brief, and once it is gone we scarcely remember it.  We for sure do not remember it vividly.  Generally pain comes with a lesson either about our emotions, or our physical bodies.  Do not over do a work out.  Do not push yourself past your physical limits or you will break something and have pain.  We learn about attachment to things and people and how those attachments without space, or without solid inner love and fulfillment leads to pain.  Mostly if we are really aware we learn that if we hold on to the pain and do not surrender to it as being a part of nature that we then suffer.  Suffering is pain that we are unable or unwilling to let go of.  Even in physical pain we can resist and struggle against what we feel or we can experience a surrender and an opening up to finding a spot of comfort within our pain.  When we do that we free ourselves from suffering.

When I think about Jesus on the cross I get this feeling like as he was in agony saying ” God why have you forsaken me”  that suddenly there was a surrender.  That had we been there to witness it would have been palpable.  It would have had an energy of it own that was felt all around and seen on his face.  A surrender to the pain and solace in God’s care the moment that surrender occurred.  When that transformation happened and surrender to God was chosen, suffering stopped.  Jesus was free to love all of humanity and beg forgiveness for those who persecuted him- not an act a man in suffering can do.

This leads to today’s ideas- that part I had been missing.  So often we try to end our suffering or even our pain by trying to find answers or by doing something through our own will alone.  People give all kinds of advice on what you should or should not do when you are in pain.  Pain has its purpose to wake us up, to honor our natural selves, to work with nature.  Pain is a reminder.  We can not outrun it, or out smart it.  We can shorten the amount and intensity of our pain however.  The only way is through the surrender to it.  To accept that at that moment we are feeling pain and to accept it as it is to work with it an not fight against it.  The moment we can do that, we then are open to the universal push that will allow us to rise above the pain. We open a space for nature to take action- for God to care for us.  It is not done through force of will it is done through partnership with the Universe.

I have been in pain for 11 days now.  I have known enough to know that when I was ready to heal I would feel it and know it was time to push myself.  I finally got that signal today.  If I had ego involved I would have said I needed to push myself five days ago- I sure was ready to but it was not in alignment with Divine time then.  If I had listened to people around me I would have been pushing myself after 3 days, and according to others I should not push myself now.  But to live in partnership with the Universe, with God one has to listen to that stillness for the signal- no one outside us can tell us, logic can not figure it out, and ego can not force it to happen on our clock.

The image I received today when I realized it was time for me to begin pushing myself was that of a wave.  Actually it was the idea of body surfing or boogie boarding.  When I was a kid I used to travel a lot (I had a flight attendant mom).  I went to the ocean a lot and loved to ride the waves.  I seemed to have a natural gift for the timing of those waves.  Other kids would struggle to catch it at the right time but somehow this little feeling in my stomach would say “now!” and I would start paddling and hit the wave perfect.  If you begin paddling too soon you tire out and can not keep up with  the wave to ride it right.  If you wait to long you miss the wave and do not have that added momentum to really make you sail across the water.  There is a balance between effort and the added push the wave gives to make for the perfect ride.  This is the same idea for anything we seek to do.  It is especially true for overcoming pain.  I have found in life whether is over coming hard situations, knowing when to talk about a subject, knowing when to pursue a dream or idea that if I listen to that still place it will give me the same “now” as I heard when riding the waves.

As we experience pain people around us will say “you need to to this or that now”, our egos will say “I am tired of this do something to make it better now”.  If we listen to that we end up expending energy for nothing.  We work twice as hard and never get the assistance of the Universe.  We are paddling before the wave and will tire out before we can catch it and ride it.  If we allow fear to keep us from moving forward or think that the Universe will do all the work for us we end up missing the wave entirely.  There is a balance to the effort we put in and the timing we chose to allow the Universe to help us get through all the experiences of life with grace.  When we stay out of other peoples  lives by refraining from telling them they need to do this or that right now, we allow them to experience their own flow and they can then experience the grace of the Universe.  I find shutting out the worries of other’s to be the hardest part to following that Divine timing.   I want to create a t shirt to wear with a wave on it that says ” allow other’s to follow their own flow”.  For some it may be their own inner voice  that  keeps them from following that timing.  Either the voice screaming “you need to do something now or all hell is going to break lose” (ego voice) or the self doubting voice that says “I am not sure if this is right, I am not sure if its time” (when the signs are everywhere saying “ACT!, DO SOMETHING NOW”)

I have been in pain the past 11 days but I have not suffered because I knew Divine timing would come and that wave would gather energy and that at just the right moment I could begin my work of paddling and work with the Universe to feel better.  I surrendered to my pain and listened to the things it had to tell me.   I would have suffered if I had thought I was in total control and could will myself better sooner than nature had intended.  I could stand to suffer more if I ignore the push to push myself to take action towards my healing now.  I have been feeling the wave gather its energy around me and I took comfort in knowing that it was coming without trying to force it.

Take time to sit in the stillness and to know that part of you.  That is the internal timeclock- that part of you that flows with nature.  You will find your timing to be perfect in anything you do if you get to know that place within you.  It is not made of logic and does not listen to what other people say about when you should or shouldn’t do things.  Its not a place where you figure things out with numbers, charts or formulas, its a feeling and it is always there to guide us.  When ego says ” I need it my way now” we can know that it is not in alignment with nature.  When fear says ” I am not sure if I am ready or if I can, or if I deserve this” we can know that it is not part of the flow of nature.  Nature does not give us signals to go if we are not ready.  Nature always flows and there is always a gradual build up of energy before the action.  When we are still we are in tune with this and can flow with it.  This is how pain is over come.  This is how we find fulfillment, by knowing that place.

When you are feeling the urge to do things now, or feeling like even though everything around you is saying its time to act that maybe you can not do it, take a moment to listen to what that silent place in you says.  Of course this doe not apply when you are in immenent danger that is what primal brain was made for, but when you are living day to day.  Check to see what that need for urgency or that self doubt is about and then try to see if you can find the Divine timing and flow instead of forcing you will or staying stuck in fear.  You will find life is much more pleasant  and the pain is much less intense when it occurs.

Take some time this month to find the space where you can catch the wave and work with the Universe in partnership.   The ride is exhilarating.  Enjoy!

With Love and Truth



April 12, 2011

April 12th, 2011

Topic:  More on Letting go

I have written on this topic before but it continues to come up.  Not as a reminder of the concept but because it is an ongoing process.  As we grow and change, there is always a need to continue to let go of the various things in our lives to make space for the new.  This has been written about in various spiritual and religious texts.  In Christian faith Jesus said to the disciples as they joined him that they needed to follow him empty handed.  There are various other spiritual and religious beliefs that say we can only truly receive God when we are empty handed.  Throughout my own journey I have heard people talk about this concept.  Generally there is this idea that it refers to the material.  The idea that we can not be too attached to material things if we want to connect to the Divine.  We have to be willing to give up the physical comforts and material excess to follow a spiritual path.  The understanding I was given this morning (actually it was being shown to me for the past few years- I just finally “got it”) was that it is not only money , and material items we are asked to not cling tightly too, we are asked to not cling tightly to anything of the physical world.  Lately for me and for a few others I know this has meant relationships of all kinds.

I have heard people talking about how as they have begun to get to know themselves and begun to follow their truth,  to follow their spiritual path, that they have begun to feel like they are “outgrowing” certain people or things in their lives.  I have heard others say “ I just do not seem to fit  with those people or this job, or this idea anymore”.  This feeling begins long before we are ready to let go.  We fight it because honestly we fear that if we let go of these people or things that there will be no one or nothing else there for us.  In a sense we keep ourselves stuck out of fear that there will be nothing new coming to us.

In my own life this manifest in friendships the past few years.  I had a sense as I began to discover my truth and began walking my spiritual path that many of the friends I had for nearly my whole life were not coming with me.  I tried to reason with myself and say I could keep them as friends, I could just keep the relationship superficial and be able to still have my friends.  As time went on it became more and more apparent that this could not be.  As long as they were there- even in a superficial way I was not allowing myself to move forward.  Every interaction was pained.  I felt like I was around people who would not accept the “me” I truly was.  They wanted me to be the version of myself I had created, a false shell that I struggled to let go of when I began to walk a spiritual path.  What started as a vague feeling, the feeling that they did not want me to change, became blatant.  I realized that these friends of mine did not know the real me, and what was worse is that they had no interest in trying to get to know that me, in fact they were fighting to keep me stuck as the person I had been before.

I am not judging or blaming my friends.  It was my doing alone that created the issue.  I, like so many others of us had created a false self based on my ego needs.  I wanted to be liked so I became the things that the people I wanted to be around wanted me to be.  I created an image of perfection and pretended that it was who I was.  Then when I began to long to be who I really was, I had a long road of searching and then of letting go of things that were not authentic to who I was.  I struggled to let go of ideas, ways of living, habits and finally through letting go of all of those false pieces was faced with the relationships that were based on all those things.  In the end when I let go of those false pieces there was nothing to form the foundation of many of my relationships.  That was a hard and sad realization that caused many tears.  I fought and held tight to those friendships.  I had been asked to give up so much the past two years, I bargained with the Creator that I should be able to at least keep my friendships- I could not go through the loss of everything I had presented myself to be and then be alone as well.

There was a sense with everything that I had been asked to give up that a promise was being made that new things, more in line with who I really am would come in to take the place.  I was not being asked to be alone forever- but to be alone for a period of time to allow the new to be drawn  to me.  I am in that place now.  Not totally alone like I had feared would happened- but I have let go of the relationships I was clinging to and it has created a gap, a space that is already being filled with new people and things.  It’s beginning to be filled with people who appreciate and want to know me for who I really am.  People who are not expecting things from me besides for me to be who I really am.  I can see clearly that the people I let go of were trying to hold me to an old version of me- one that I had outgrown long ago.

This is the letting go that is happening now for many people.  We are not asked to drop everyone and everything from our past.  I still have some great friends that have grown with me and are still a fit with who I have become. There are some people who support me from my past.  There are some people who I know still have a role in challenging me.  This is not about us turning our backs on people or things because they are not the way we would like them to be, or because they do not fit our ideas and thoughts. We are being asked to search deeper within ourselves and to be honest about the reasons we are clinging to certain things or people.  If they are there to challenge us, to help us grow then they should remain.  If they are there to support us and give us those much needed boosts up, then they should remain.  If there are things holding us to a version of ourselves that we have outgrown then we need to ask why we are staying connected to those things and people.  It can be a job, relationships, ideas we hold about ourselves, obligations, anything that keeps us from evolving and changing. When I let go of the friends I needed to let go of- it was not done with anger or resentment, it was done with deep love and appreciation for what those people gave me and for what I had learned from them.  I let go in order for me to go where I needed to go and to allow them to go where they needed to go.  I hold gratitude and good intentions in my heart as I think about them.  It took some ugly experiences that were full of hurt for me to see things clearly but in the place I am right now- I can see it was all from love and all part of God’s plan for me and for them.  I see bright things for me and I can feel it for them as well.  That feeling brings me peace and happiness and keeps me open to the fact that someday we may be led back together, but for now it really is time to let go.

As we continue down our paths we change and grow.  As a part of that change and growth we need to be able to let go of things that try to keep us stuck.  That is the way that we must come to the Creator empty handed.  We can not cling to anything and must be ready to let go for our own highest good and for the highest good of others- even when we are afraid.  There is freedom and joy in that kind of letting go.

With Love and Truth


Energy Guide 2/16/11

February 16th, 2011

Topic: Receiving

Again I find myself apologizing for the gap in time for these writings.  I had said January and February would be about hibernating and it sure has been.  I have found it hard to connect with others and have found myself going within more, seeming to have little to no energy to connect with others.  I know I have not been alone in that feeling, as the people around me also have been saying they just have not felt like doing much, and in fact have even felt irritated at the thought of having to be around others.  I am beginning to feel the inner push to gear up for connecting and being out and about again.

With that inner push comes some clarity about what all this hibernating was supposed to be used for.  The insight I have gained during my time away from others has to do with that balance within our relationships.  As I am urged to reconnect with others again, I am finding that special attention needs to be given to our willingness and ability to receive.  To achieve balance we not only have to be willing to give of our selves but also to allow others to give to us.  With out both sides of that equation there is imbalance.  Imbalance is what leads to that feeling of dissatisfaction, or feeling out of step with our world and with eachother

My own journey during these months of solitude brought to my attention the deep need I have to give.  Those of us on a spiritual path have this desire to give- to help.  That desire is strong, so strong that often we forget about allowing the space to let others give to us.  We seek ways to help, to reach out, to make a difference and give until we can feel empty.  Some have found that eternal spring to draw from so that they are able to give endlessly, some ebb and flow giving until empty and then retreating to “refuel”.  Either way our only thoughts are about how to give, how to help.

The energy of right now is asking us to look at the other side of that coin.  In order to give, we have to have someone to give to. If we are only focused on ways to give then there is no one to give to.  To complete the flow of energy we need to be both open to giving , to the outflow of energy, and open to receiving, to allowing others energy to flow through us in positive ways.  This can be as simple as deciding what things we can surrender control of in our day to day living and asking for help from those around us.  This could be asking a friend or relative to help with a task around the house, or a chore we have to do.  It could be asking for someone to be there to just listen.  It could be asking for someone to send us positive energy, or to advocate for us.  Mostly its about saying “yes” and accepting when someone says they want to help in some way and finding a way to use that person’s talents in the best way that can helps us.

Many of us are so used to handling things on our own.  We have been the trail blazers getting into the mindset of service to others.  We have taken that challenge and grown from it.  We have learned very well how to give.  As more people get into the mindset of service to others we all have to shift and balance.  We need to provide a place for others to give, providing that space for giving is a way to also give to others.  Just as we have the desire to give and feel fulfillment in giving, others feel that same desire.

I know that I have felt very frustrated at times when I care for someone and want to give and do things to support and help them but am blocked from doing so. Think about those times when you see someone you care about struggling with an issue and you want so badly to shoulder some of the burden with them but are blocked from doing so.  The person says “I can do it on my own”.  I know for me it feels like a hoplessness, a sinking feeling in my heart and stomach.  I am not sure why we are still blocking eachother from helping when we are supposed to be learning to do this thing called life all together.  The time has come to work with eachother.  I have begun trying to think about this when others offer to help me.  I used to say “ no, I got this, I can do it”.  It was the noble thing to say, I mean I do not want to be a burden to anyone right? I want to prove that I can do it on my own.  The thing that has been pointed out to me lately is that it is not about proving we can handle life’s challenges on our own, it’s about swallowing our pride and surrendering to the help of others.  We need to create a space for that balance of give and receive.  It is not more nobel or desirable to be the person who gives selflessly, life is about achieving balances.  Energy flows best when it is balanced- it completes a cycle and allows for harmony.   It is time to create a balance between what we give and what we receive from others.  We are being challenged to find the natural flow and not refuse to receive because we do not want to burden others or because our pride/ego has something to prove.

The challenge this month is to realize the gift we give to others when we allow them to give to us, to help us in our daily lives.  We are being challenged to change our perspective from a view where we see asking for and accepting help as a weakness or a burden to others, to one where we see receiving help from others as a gift and an opportunity for those who want to help us.  The energy of this time is telling us to surrender and to allow that balance of give and take back into our lives.  Its not about letting things swing the other way and only taking, not looking to give anymore.  It’s about doing both actions in a balance way that completes the flow of energy between all of humanity.  Learn to give by receiving and to receive by giving- by this harmony is created.

With Love and Truth


2011 year at a glance

December 31st, 2010

Topic outline of energy month to month


This year begins with a continuation of what December brought.  Many people felt like they needed time alone.  It was a hard balance between the social activities of December and this inner need to withdraw and just focus on inner work.  January finally gives the time to fully withdraw.  Its time to take stock of what you have done, where you have been and who we have brought into our lives as well as who and what we have let go of.  When I feel January it feels cold.  Being from the north that is a given, but it feels like that hibernation kind of cold.  In other parts of the world this may translate as rainy or just not conducive to getting out much.  The Universe supports what we need and when the weather is not good it’s a sign that we need time alone or closed into our homes with the people closest to us.  This month its about taking that alone time and getting grounded in what has happened and what we would like to see happen.


Usually February feels like a time to reconnect for me.  This year it does not.  There is a very solitary feel to the beginning of 2011.  Its like there is so much change and interaction that happens mid-year that these first few months are a critical gearing up time.  It feels like if we try to get out among people at this point we will just end up feeling disappointed.  Parties will not be as much fun as we remembered, meeting with friends will not be all we thought it would be.  The need to withdraw remains strong this month.  Again the Universe is supporting this with continued weather challenges.  Everything just says ” sit tight for now”.  Like I said traditionally February has been a month of connections and has generally felt more social.  Even though we will not feel like socializing this February, and when we are out those interactions will not be a great as we remembered there is still an element of interconnection present.  During our solitude this month our inner thoughts will shift from what we have done or want to do, and where we have been or where we would like to go personally, to who and how the people around us can support us in what we are creating.  This is a month to take stock of all the people in our lives.  To focus on how they have helped us and in what ways they can support what we are creating this year.  It is a time to reflect and to see that we are not islands, even though it feels like it sometimes.  It is extremely important this month to realize the web of life around us that supports us and to discover ways to work within this web as it will make the changes that happen this year far easier if we rally support during this critical time.


This month seems to begin to have glimmers of an emergence.  The closed isolated state we were feeling during the previous three months will begin to shift.  It is not fully over however.  The image I get is of a huge sleeping bear that is groggy and beginning to emerge from hibernation.  Its slow to move and seems to do so grudgingly but it is  being spured to begin to move and come out into the world.  This means to challenge ourselves to get out a little more, even when we are not quite feeling like it.  Go to that party, go for that walk or out to that lunch with friends even if you are feeling tired or like being alone.  Pushing ourselves at this point is important because the energy of next month shifts rapidly, you do not want to be caught with sleep in your eyes as you may miss some important opportunities.


Like I said this month seems to shift things quickly and dramatically.  Its like the lazy slow pace of winter is flipped off like a switch.  Weather wise this year it will literally be like someone flips a switch, winter one day and spring the next.  I was told last November that here in Minnesota winter was about to begin in 24 hours (and sure enough it began) and that it would stay until April (sometimes we have a warmer February and many time March begins to melt things).  This year I am shown it is not the case.  Winter is staying until April, but when April hits it lifts like someone lifting a  white blanket off a bed.  Again the weather triggers a cue inside ourselves.  This sudden shift signals a time of doing.  its time to get out and begin doing the things we have contemplated during those isolated months.  Change seems to happen rapidly this month not only for the weather but for individuals and for society at large.  We can either decide to be active parts of this rapid change by being involved and having a hand in what happens or we can chose to be hesitant and wait- but then the changes will just be put upon us.  I for one enjoy being a creator.  One way to create is to be open to opportunity.  If you hear about a class or social gathering, an opportunity to serve others, a new job, or you have a possible romantic interest spring up, seize the opportunity by responding to it and not ignoring it.  We do not have to be controlling and make things happen but this month is about taking advantage of opportunities the Universe provides us.


This month feels extra exuberant.  I am not sure how to describe it.  When I tune into the energy I feel a giddiness, like a school girl giggling uncontrollably.  It feels very light and like its about having fun.  April challenged us to seize opportunities and possibly put in work to take advantage of those opportunities.  May is like the chance we sometimes get to just enjoy what we have worked on and created.  The weather feels very cooperative and there is a playful nature to the energy of this month.  A part of me wants it to be May right now!  This is a time when we need to let our inner child out to play.  that is an extremely important thing to do from time to time.  Just do the things that make you feel good and enjoy some play time.  Run, swing, lay in the sun, garden and be in nature, do a spa day.  Do the things the nourish your soul this month without guilt.  Doing these things gives us the strength to make it through the tough times with grace.  Enjoy your play time!


June finds us back in reality.  There is a feeling of rough weather again, like its stormy.  I see dark clouds and strong winds with that sideways rain.  The feeling is like that of needing to batten down the hatches.  When I see the weather images I tend to get messages that deal with two realms- the physical and the personal.  Its a feeling like there will be challenges both in the weather and personally, but we will be ok with a little planning and preparedness.  If we use caution this month and put up defenses when needed we will be just fine.  It is important this month to not take unnecessary risks.  Stay on the safe side and close to home for a bit.  Keep your loved ones close to you.  This is not a time to challenge yourself or your loved ones on personal issues.  This is a time of huddling together and lending mutual support.  I think about those experiences that are very tough where everyone bands together to comfort eachother.  That is what we need to do this month.  Sometimes after tough times one can look back and feel a sense of comfort and appreciation for those moments where they were huddled with others, knowing that we are not alone.


This month feels much better than June.  It feels like whatever gets shaken up in June will be rebuilt in July.  It feels like one of those times where you just take a deep breath and begin picking up the mess one piece at a time.  There need not be a hurry to picking up, we can  just slowly gather the pieces and put them back into their places.  Remove the trash and the broken things and tidy up again.  There is a sense of accomplishment this month like after everything was shaken up we get it all cleaned up again this month.  Please keep this in mind in June, when its over and its time to pick up it will not take as long as we thought and it will not be as hard as we thought to clean it up.  There is a slow steady pace to this month and a strange appreciation of the things that remain.


For the past several years I have written these  year at a glance posts, August has served the same function and this year is no different.  August is a month of making huge life changing decisions.  Its a month a great changes.  Its like the intentions we sent during those isolated months really fall into place in August.  Not only for myself but for countless people I know August the past several years has lead to major changes such as the end of a long term relationships, the end of jobs, the beginning of new relationships or new jobs, shifts in personal relationships with friends and family.  August tends to go by quickly because everything happens and comes into form this month.  The thoughts we have had are made manifest during this time.  Some years this has been scary, as the saying goes ” be careful what you ask for because you just might get it”.  This year it feels like a good thing.  There was space cleared in June and August is coming along to fill those holes.  We have cleaned up and prepared the space in July and now we get to bring in the new.


Again September’s energy remains very similar to previous years.  This is a time to enjoy and solidify what was manifest in August.  We get to tweak our creations and make minor adjustments to them in September.  Its not a particularly active month just minor adjustments to the new things we brought in and time to try out our new creations.  Be sure to take the time to fully examine whatever you brought into your life in August during this month.  Make those changes now and make sure you fully want and understand the implications of what you have manifest.  Its like taking the time to play with that new toy and figuring out how it works and if it does what you want it to.  The weather seems cooperative and mild.  The Universe is saying focus on ourselves and our creations without having to worry about much else.


There is an electricity to October that I have not felt in years.  This electricity is one of the reason’s October has always been my favorite month.  The past few years however, it was noticeably absent.  Things were not the same.  There is a mystery to October and that is part of it joy.  The feeling that life holds surprises for us and that we can not know everything.  When I encounter this kind of energy it always serves as a reminder to  remain present in the day to day.  To focus on and enjoy the moments as they come and to be aware and present in those moments.  There will be ups and downs to this month but we do not need to worry about them.  This month is about remembering that it is not the destination we need to concern ourselves with, it is the journey.  Enjoy the experiences and remain open to them.  Do not try to project out into the future or reflect on a past you want back.  Stay in each moment and see what those moments have for you, what lessons and experiences there are for you to learn and grown from.  If we can stay present this month has a lot of opportunity and gifts for us.


There is a very pleasant energy to this month.  It feels light and celebratory.  I have a special event in this month  as I will be married.  I find that no accident either.  I was strongly led to the date because of its energetic feel.  There is a feeling of connection with lovers, friends, family.  The image I get is of a person with a big smile on their face laughing, like one would do with a group of friends.  Its a playfulness that has to do with socializing and having fun with others.  What a wonderful time to hold a wedding.  Even if you are not getting married, this month seems like a great one.  There will be lots of opportunity to get together with friends and family, and unlike February those gatherings will be more wonderful than you expected them to be.  There is this feeling of peace and harmony to this month.  If you have been having a hard time getting along with someone this month seems like the time to extend that olive branch and make amends.  The Universe is supporting connection and reconnection.  Reconciliations seem likely and other relationships feel like they will just be strengthened this month.  Its hard to not get along with people this month.  If there is something you have been waiting to do because you have needed support from others to do it this is the the month to act.


December 2011 seems a little energetically down.  Generally I refer to this month as the month of miracles however that does not seem to be the case this month.  It feels like that usual bustling of energy is not there this year.  There seems to be less activity and just a feeling of low energy in general.  It feels like it will be a struggle to meet holiday expectations.  Like shopping and social gatherings will be hard to push ourselves to do.  There is this strong feeling like we will just want to lay in bed beneath the covers and forget the whole holiday thing.  Maybe we should?  I mean that somewhat sarcastically, but if you are a person who can just hide out it may not be a bad thing.  The feeling is like we will hold resentments for people who make us go out and do things.  So pick your activities wisely- do the things you truly want to do.  Try to remember that we are all feeling this drain so that maybe we can forgive eachother for putting off that annual holiday party or dinner until January.  There are always things we have to push ourselves to do so that we do not completely let others down, but be very mindful of the things you actually have to do and the things that you can do a little later.  You will thank yourself later for making those choices and you will enjoy yourself much more having those get togethers at a later date when possible.

As always its a year of ups and downs, such is life.  This year does feel a little more settled.  I know for myself and for many other people I know that the past 3-5 years have been fast paces and full of huge amounts of change.  Much of that change has not been easy and has caused moments where we thought we could not possibly take any more.  the good news is that this year seems to have slowed down a bit in the amount of change and challenge that we will face.  There will still be moments but mainly this year has a lot of down time to reflect and to create.  Enjoy this wondeful year and try to adjust and embrace a slightly slower pace- we have all earned this time.

Happy New Year!


Energy Guide 12/23/10

December 23rd, 2010

Topic:  accepting love


This will be a shorter post.  I was feeling like I was supposed to write one more message before the holidays and before I tune into the upcoming year next week.  I kept getting messages, things meant for me that I thought could be good posts but I was never led to write.  I had messages about the purpose of  antagonists in our lives, things about love, things about the love between mother and child- great messages that will probably come out when the energy is appropriate for them.  Today, actually just about a half hour ago I finally got the message that is appropriate to right now.  I have to say it is a lovely thing to keep in mind as we reconnect and spend time with family and friends.  This message spoke deeply to me and reached a very deep small place in my heart and I knew it needed to be shared. 

The message I recieved today is about seeing and accepting the love of those around us.  I was lead to see a pattern in my own life today and I believe in my work and through the people I know that this is a human pattern that is common to all of us.  We enter into relationships of various kinds and things are great.  We are able to see the good in our friends and lovers.  Somehow over time this connection seems to change.  I know for myself in relationships of all kinds, romantic, family and friends I somehow end up feeling like the person is not expressing their care.  I get into the “poor me’s” and feel bad saying things in my head like ” I am not sure what happened why this person does not care for me like they used to”.  I  remember doing this as a child with my parents and friends and as an adult in romantic relationships.  I see this in other people as well.  Clients come to me and say their mate does not express love like they used to, or friends talk about other friends as not caring. 

At some point we have all felt the feeling of thinking we are the only one giving in a relationship.  The message that I recieved has to do with noticing the way people love us.  A few years ago I read the book ” The Path to Love” by Deepak Choprah.  I have lent that book out or recommended it to countless people since.  I actually think it should be required reading for juniors in highschool.  The one point that changed my view of relationships completely was that in a truly loving relationship one needs to let go of all expectations.  The point of love is to experience unrestrained love- with no string attached, not becasue we will get loved back but just to love for the sake of loving.  To truly get that concept is profound and changes how a person looks at all relatioships.  It is incredably freeing to just love for the joy of getting the opportunity to love.  It is a fantastic thing that we get the opportunity to love.  This concept was taken a step further today in the message.

I began to notice that even though I was enjoying loving the people in my life for the sake of loving, I still held on to expectations when I knew people cared  about how I expected them to show that care.  I would think “if that person loves me like they say they do they would… (hug me more, tell me, give me a gift  etc. etc. etc.)”.  I hear stories of other people doing this as well.  People go to family gatherings and they want their mother or father to have a heart to heart to say they love them, or they want people they care about to behave a certain way, thinking the same thoughts I do “if they cared about me they would…, or if they cared about me they wouldn’t…”. 

 Today it was shown to me that in doing this we cause ourselves to miss the ways the people we care about do show they car about us.  We become so fixated on wanting that care to be shown in a specific way that we do not see the broader picture.  Maybe I want my mate to hug me and say sweet things to me and I fixate on that so much that I miss the fact he did something extra around the house, or took time to help me, or spent time taking care of someone else I love.  We then close down and shut people out letting ourselves feel like vicitms.  The love that we give comes back everytime- if its not a cosmic law it should be- because it hold true everytime.  The problem is that it does not always come back the way we want it to and in the timing we want it to.  It may come back in such an unexpected way that we miss it completely.  The result is we begin to feel depleted and sorry for ourselves.  Love is a cycle and if we remember that it is always a cycle we can relax and be open to recieving love in all its forms.

One more brief sotry comes to mind to illustrate how subtly people can express love.  There is a story in Kabbalism about an old man who is very grouchy.  He yells at people who go near his property, he sneers at people on the street, he will not talk to anybody and when he does he is always unpleasant.  Everyone in the town knows this man and avoids him.  They all talk about what an awful man he is and how there is no good in him at all.  One day the old man dies.  Upon his death a secret is uncovered.  For years every December the poorest towns people would recieve a backet with food and goods and money in it.  A very generous gift that allowed these people to some times keep their homes or eat when they would not have otherwise been able to eat.  When the grouchy old man died the remainder of his fountune was left to these poor towns people and they were all told that it was this man who had given to them for all of those years without wanting recognition.  He was loving for the sake of loving and doing it in a way that others did not expect and therefore could not see in the man.  They all thought he was horrible and could not see his love being expressed.    

The assignment this week is to keep this in mind when you are around those you love.  Love openly and without reservations.  Love with out expectations and look for the ways those you love show you they love you.  Some people are very sublte in their expression of love.  Some people do not like other people to see them giving love so notice how everyone (and I mean everyone) gives love.  Its part of being human.  Maybe this will help you with that grouchy grandpa, or aunt, or the demanding parent or withdrawn lover- they are expressing love too if you open yourself up to notice how without expecting them to give it your way (:


Happy holidays With Love!


Energy Guide 11/17/10

November 16th, 2010

Topic:  Continual Learning

I have been observing a phenomenon in my life for some time now.  I am noticing that in my daily living, my personal relationships, my professional relationships and experiences, even in chance meetings and experiences there are continual lessons and messages being sent to me.  I do not ever remember noticing this phenomenon occurring at the current rate before a period that began about two years ago.  At that point two years ago I noticed that I would be struggling with an issue, looking for an answer and then suddenly I would have a client come in and almost echo my thoughts verbatim.  Or a friend would come to me with an eerily similar problem to mine.  Some how through looking at the issue from this removed perspective the answers to my own issues would come as well.  At first this freaked me out.  I would look around for the hidden cameras or wonder if someone was setting me up because the coincidence was too great to just happen.  Over time as it continued I came to accept that this was just an answer to my prayers.

When I think back about when this all began for me I can remember a very particular change in attitude.  Previously to my noticing this I would have a problem and I would rack my brain trying to figure it out, trying to plan for the details of how I was going to work my way out of a problem.  My issues got bigger and bigger and harder to deal with until this period about two years ago where I finally knew that my brain, my ego could not work through the issues coming at me. I was actually making things worse.  At this point, out of sheer desperation, I laid down on the couch on a cold February afternoon and sighed and said “ ok I give up, show me where you want me and what you want me to do.  I give up and I am giving you control”.  The feeling inside was like one of absolute surrender.  I was no longer going to fight.  I was no longer going to need things all my way, I was giving up and opening up to whatever the Universe, whatever God lead me to.  All my controlling did was lead to bigger problems.  The few times I had surrendered and said “ I trust the Universe, I trust God completely”  even the most hopeless situation turned around.  I had beaten my head against the wall enough times that I finally was ready to stop.

I had no idea how that statement was going to change the interactions I had with others.  How it was going to change the way I looked at my profession, my relationships, and my day to day experiences.  Almost immediately I noticed people coming to me with my same issues.  At first I was taken back.  “How am I supposed to help a person with the same thing I am currently struggling with?”  I felt unworthy.  I felt like a fraud to the people I saw professionally.  That voice inside me said “just be in the moment and listen to these people stories, detach from the ways they mirror your issues and just listen”.  In that place of openness and listening something magical happened.  I was able to see the issues clearly and see the ways the clients I was seeing or my friends and family added to and kept their problems going.  It was not lost on me that if I took the advice that I had just given to my clients and sometimes to my friends and family that I could improve my own situation.  This was not an act of a brilliant mind; it was nothing I could take credit for.  If these solutions, these insights were of my mind I would have already applied them in my life.  The insights came through me.  They were answers to my own questions brought to light through interactions with others.  Not only did these interactions help me know I was not alone in my struggles but they provided objectivity and an emotional detachment that allowed divinity to express through me.  I was learning to be a student again.

For years with in my work and within my relationships I had approached things from the view point of how I can help and what can I teach people around me.  I was thinking that this was the way to be.  I mean great masters, yogis, saints, they all functioned from a place of service.  They had wisdom and were known as great teachers.  That is what we are striving for right?  To be one of these great teachers is the goal and to be it you had to view yourself as a teacher first.  My experiences over the past few years has shown me something important about these great teachers.  If you could talk to one of these masters, if you could ask them about how they view themselves, they would not label themselves as great teachers as great keepers of wisdom, they would tell you that they are students.  They would say that the people they “teach” everyday are actually the ones who are teaching them.

There is a very important difference in these views.  It makes a person who is wise and a good teacher into a great teacher. That shift between seeing yourself as a person who is teaching others and a person who is learning from others is huge.  To see yourself as a perpetual learner takes ego out of our interactions and helps us to be listeners, to be open to receiving guidance from the divine both through ourselves and through the people around us.  We stop judging people as having insight and wisdom or not.  Divine messages can come from anywhere, from anyone at any time.  When we limit our view of ourselves to that of a person with something to say, then we stop listening.  When we view ourselves as someone with something to learn we are open to all of the messages, lessons and experiences that surround us from all sources without judgment.

I am sure that my experience with noticing clients and friends coming with similar issues, coming in ways that helped me to understand my issues was not new two years ago.  My ability to perceive it was new.  Previous to that conversation I had with God where I surrendered and said “ you take control” I had always viewed my interactions in terms of what I brought to them.  What did I have to teach people? What did people get from me?  Along with my surrender came a new way of perceiving interactions with others.  I began approaching experiences and interactions from the view of “What do I have to learn from this?”  “ What does this person or experience have to teach me?” “What messages are the Universe/ God sending me that can help me continue to improve?”.  I still slip back to my old ways and come from that place of ‘teacher” sometimes but, oddly enough when I am in that place of “learner” people express having learned more from me than when I am in “teacher” mode.

The challenge right now is to renew our commitment to be learners.  If the great masters such as Jesus, Buddha, Gandhi, Sufis and Sages etc. viewed themselves as life long students, than surely we are all students as well.  We are a group of learners teaching each other through our own learning.  It’s a wonderful thing.

Happy learning!

With Love and Truth


October 21st, 2010

October 21st, 2010

Topic: For better or worse

It seems to me that I am surrounded by people who are becoming disheartened with the state of humanity.  I must admit that I struggle with always seeing the good.  I have had my times where I thought the fate of the world is doomed and that all is lost.  For the past few months this theme has been coming up in conversations.  I have had my moments where it seems I can only see what is wrong as well these past few months.  I had an experience just last weekend.  I went to see a movie.  Lets say I was less than impressed.  Even the previews seemed to be screaming one thing at me.  The world is getting more and more stupid.  The movie themes were all the same.  The previews oscillated back and forth between action movies with large explosions and people saving the world in a frantic state to empty comedies that lacked wit and were more about brainless blunders or shallow sex and drug humor.  By the time the endless previews stopped I was again in that state of hopelessness for the human race.  I am all for temporary escapes.  Times to just take a break from the world and from our bigger purpose, time to let ourselves rest.  But this large batch of movies about to come out seemed to be dumbed down.  This experience couple with conversations I have had with a few friends had me wondering if we are evolving or devolving.

It occurred to me that there seems to be two powers at play right now.  There is this push on a soul level to evolve.  To come back to the state we once originated from.  To see the oneness of all humanity.  To be able to see far below the superficial and to uncover the truth of our interconnectedness.  I have seen evidence of this.  I have seen people that I did not believe could  think on this level show that indeed they do.  That although they may seem like they do not give deep thought to anything other than the superficial, that indeed they do understand that deep truth on some level.  I have seen small children grasp this truth, I have seem old people who I thought were set in their ways see the world from this new perspective, I have seen people who I believed only cared about the material reach out from this truth inside them.  During these moments I get this sense like ” we truly are doing it, we are right on track”.

Then other times, like this weekend, I see the other side.  I see the media, the news, the school system, the government, etc etc  seem to do things that go in the wrong direction.  Its like there is a force that is scared and trying to throw us off track.  Like if we realize the truth of our own personal power, the truth of our interconnectedness that it will somehow threaten these large systems.  Actually it will.  So as we all grow and begin to uncover the truth these organizations try their last ditch efforts to keep the changes from happening.  They make a valiant effort at it too.  We are surrounded by shows , by evidence on our computers, our TVs, our radios that lead us to believe humanity is going downhill.  The Jersey revolution, the scandals of our politicians and our role models, people video taping themselves doing absolutely foolish things and posting it for the world to see on the web.  I feel like this force is a subconscious one, that these are not conscious efforts being plotted out.

Most of us have known people who have had issues they had to overcome.  It could be drug or alcohol problems, gambling issues, anger problems etc etc.  The list goes on and on.  When we have tried to over come things, or have watched others trying to overcome bad habits or personal issues one thing is always true.  As we begin to make gains in changing the behavior often some form of self sabotage happens.  As we experience success suddenly we are compelled to do something to undermine the gains we have made.  I feel like this is where we are at in our evolution as humans.  We are beginning to recognize somethings that are maladaptive.  Things that are not working.  We have begun to see the illusion around us and we are striving towards the truth that we have felt inside ourselves.  But, as we make those changes and reach for that truth we are met with resistance that arises from deep inner fears.  Fears of individuals as well as fears from the collective.  Those fears make us put up unconscious blocks that stand in the way of reaching our goals.

We do this as individuals.  In my practice I see it over and over.  Clients say they want some goal and then they begin actually working towards achieving what they want- only to stop at some point and say ” I can’t have that because…”  And because they believe it can not happen suddenly the block they fear appears.  We are doing this on a macro scale.  We believe that humanity is getting worse and worse.  We believe subsequent generations are less capable.  We see our fellow humans as unable to do the things we ourselves have done and so that is what happens, that is what we create.

I am equally guilty of this.  I view the general population as not very smart- I choose to see the evidence that people do not notice and do not understand what is going on around them.  The truth is we see what we choose to see.  How would things change if we chose to believe that people are very capable, that we are getting more and more intelligent.  What if we began pointing out evidence to eachother about the way humanity is becoming better, the ways that we are seeing ourselves as our whole truth, the ways we are understanding deeper truths that we previously did not understand.

I have had two friends tell me that they are tired of giving people divinely inspired messages because people just do not listen.  My thoughts have been ” what if people are listening, what if they are getting it but we just do not think they are because the changes we inspire are not happening in the way we think they should”.  What if the changes caused by these messages are profound but so deep inside the person receiving the message that we can not detect the change.

Our mission during this time is two fold.  First we must not lose heart.  We need to stay open to giving and receiving guidance and messages to eachother.  We need to let go of needing proof that these messages change people and just learn to give and receive them.  This journey we are on not only involves deep individual work but also collective work.  When we reach certain parts of our journey we are guided to help eachother.  Secondly, we need to renew our faith in humanity and strengthen our resolve that humanity is indeed evolving.  True faith means believing something even when there is no evidence.  This past year and a half my faith has been tested to a level where I have had to believe things not only when there was no evidence but also when there was evidence to the contrary of my beliefs.  I have believed in love when people said hateful things, I have believed in possibility when everything looked hopeless, I have believed I was supported when it appeared I was alone.  This is the kind of faith we are being called to have in eachother.  As the media bombards us with messages that things are getting worse we have to hold strongly to our faith that we (all of us! not just a few who seem to be further along) are evolving and continuing to improve.

The challenge is to catch yourself having those thought, catch yourself noticing all the things that are wrong and shift those thoughts to what is right.  What are the people around you doing to show that they are growing, that they are moving towards truth.  Focus on that and that will become the reality that we all experience.

Until next time

With Love and Truth




Energy guide

September 12th, 2010

Topic: accepting change

We are just coming out of a mercury retrograde- a astrological event that slows us down through miscommunications and technical difficulties so that we have time to wrap up things that have been undone and to review where we have been so that we can release and move on without our entanglements.  This past retrograde was very much geared towards the reviewing the past year and then being willing to release.  Not only that but it has also brought up past life events for many of us, so that we could review them, understand their impact on our lives now and then release them.  We are doing this to lighten our load and to prepare ourselves for the new phase we are entering during the next several months.  We are always changing and growing in a never ending manner.  We go through slow downs where we are releasing and then through stages where things change rapidly.  This past retro grade period was a slow down before the rapid changes begin again.  Some people cringe at the thought of a retro grade or slow period but I have to say I have come to a place where I almost welcome those slow times.   They allow me a period of time to try to catch my breath as things seem to change very rapidly for me lately.

The past week I have been challenge to do a deep review of the past year and of some past life events.  I have reviewed things I have written, emails others sent to me over the past year, vivid memories of events that happened this past year have been coming to me and have had several dreams that seem as though they were past life events.  Its like the universe is saying “look at what you have been through, look at how much you have grown,  look at all you have experienced in this short amount of time”.  In doing this reflecting I have then been urged to release it all.  To delete emails, to get rid of old writings, to breathe and release those memories both from this life and past lives.  These ,emories and items from the past are not to dwell on just to notice the progress that has been made and the lessons that have been learned.  They came back to remind us of why it is we are seeking to grow and that growth is indeed occurring.

As I have been noticing these things from the past and releasing them I have also been repeatedly challenged with a notion of a deep profound inner shift that I must decide to make.  Messages are coming at me from all different angles saying that I am at a point of having to let go of who I thought I was to become who I am now.  Again I am not alone in this challenge.  We indeed go through shifts.  We change throughout our lives and this very important period of time is one of the portholes where we make deep changes, where we shift in who we are at a deep level.

I know that I am guilty of hearing these words and thinking it has to do with external things such as job changes, or relationships ending, or moving somewhere.  These things could be a part of the shift but they are not the whole story.  The shift that we are being asked to make at this point is deeper than all of that.  We are being asked to change who we think we are.  To change and release the images we have had of ourselves so that we can open up to who it is we are growing into.

Here is how it is working for me.  My whole life I have been “a force to be reckoned with”.  I have been the one who takes control.  People have relied on me to tell them what to do.  I have grown tired of this role, even though it comes with its advantages.  It started to feel like a burden.  Then recently I was led into ever growing situations where I have to give control to others and trust others more and more.  It feels unnatural to me and it feels very scary.  I have been conditioned that if I do not have the control, things go wrong.  Now the universe says to me ” ok give control  to others”  and I am left reeling.  As I am slowly dipping my feet into this new experience I am finding that actually the people who are coming into my life, and many of the people I have known for a long time are more than capable and that indeed I can let go of the control and things are working out beautifully.  Its freeing but scary as it is so different than the image of who I thought I was.  I am being asked to give up that deep piece of who I am to try something else.  There are other changes that are going along with this as well, all of which have to do with changing who I thought I was, the image I have projected out and how I have related to others.  It all feels like moving into uncharted territory.

This may happen in different ways for different people.  Some people who sat back and enjoyed the ride may be asked to take more control, to take more of a lead position.  No matter how it manifests we are all being asked to step way outside of our comfort zones and to do things differently than we had previously done them.

The challenge of the Universe for the next few weeks is two fold, first we need to spend time reviewing where we have been, acknowledging all the work we have done, all the growth that has occurred and then letting go of those experiences.  Then secondly we need to take the risks being presented to us to step outside of our comfort zones and usual patterns to embrace the new experiences.  We are being asked to get comfortable in the new clothes that are being laid out for us to wear.  If we cling to who we have always been we leave no room to grow into who we are becoming.

The universe is saying  “just because you have done things a certain way does not mean its the only way”.  It is time to begin experiencing something new.  If you are led to act “out of character” then surrender and let yourself follow that lead.   You may just find that the experience leads you to your next step on the path.

With Love and Truth


Energy Guide 8/28/10

August 28th, 2010

Topic: Facing our Fears

Wow!  What a month.  I read this monthly horoscope on line and I must admit when she (Susan Miller- excellent astrologer by the way) wrote about how chaotic things would be this month due to the cardinal cross that formed, I had no idea what we were really in for.  Things have been turbulent as this cross worked its magic.  Depending on your sign it was there to shake things up in different parts of our lives.  For me I was told it would shake up relationships and boy what a ride it was.  This combined with mercury going retrograde on the 20th, again shaking things up so that we can see what needs to be changed in our lives, made for a rough month indeed .

These two astrological events combined with the events of my own personal life have lead me to this months topic, facing our fears.  When these shake ups occur they always cause us to stop and consider where we are going and where we have been.  They cause us to rethink what needs to change in our lives.  Are there things that need to be let go of, are there people we are clinging to that no longer fit us, are there patterns that are not working any more? etc. etc.  All of these questions come to the surface during months such as this past August.  In the middle of the chaos of August it was hard to see through all the dust that was getting kicked up.  Now as August draws to a close and the dust begins to settle we have the ability to finally start to see more clearly.  We can see the things that need to change so that perhaps next time a personal storm kicks up there is not so much debris to get tossed around and less mess to clean up when it ends.

I came across a passage in a book and knew that this message and these experiences were not just my own.  This shake up and its call for us to face our fears and confront the things we have been unwilling to confront, the things we need to confront.  It is a universal call reaching out to many people at this moment in time.  The passage read ” Our fears arise from things we do not confront.  Once we are willing to look fully and deeply at the source of fear, it loses its power.”

This quote speaks volumes to me personally.  I had the experience all month of a close friend challenging me to confront a situation in my life- literally ALL month! (I am a bit slow to pick up on things)  I argued and did not want to admit that the situation needed to be confronted.  I was so entrenched in my own denial of the situation that I could not see it.  We went round and round, my friend telling me something needed to change and me insisting that there was no problem and furthermore that it was HIS problem, NOT mine . Yet even while arguing, inside I kept trying to understand why he was saying it.  Then suddenly today he stated it in a way that made sense and I saw what was in my blind spot.  The blind spots are caused by fear. They are  caused by not wanting to look at those parts of ourselves and our lives that we are afraid to change.  It seems like the things that we need to change the most, the things that are causing us the most harm are the things that we can not seem to see within ourselves.   My friend was pointing out that by not confronting this part of my life I was giving it power.  Just like the quote states, and when I saw it, I saw the power I had given it.  When I confronted it I believe I took a huge step in taking away its power in my life.  Just recognizing the issue was a huge step in itself.   My issue is a big issue, long standing throughout my entire life and so I know that I will have to continue to confront it and challenge this part of my life- but taking this first step is taking a stand against the  power it has had over me.

I am not alone in this.  My friends, family, clients, people I briefly meet- they all have these blind spots.  These spots that are so easy for others to see in us but so impossibly hard to see in ourselves.  People tell us they are there and we deny it.  We think person after person is wrong- that “they just don’t understand” or “they don’t have the full story”, “if they knew what we knew of the history of the issue then they would understand”.  The truth is that it is usually ourselves that are not seeing the whole truth.  Our pride, our feelings that we know ourselves better than anyone, our feelings of wanting to be so evolved, or believing we are beyond the need of others help and input-   all of these things stand in our way of hearing the messages the Universe sends us about the areas we need to address.  We need to face these deep fears in order to have the power where it belongs- within us, in that place where the divine resides within ourselves.

The challenge this month as the dust of August settles is to really listen to the messages of those around you.  Listen to what they are saying and dig deeper, ask questions and try to be open to fully understand what people are telling you about your fears, the things that are limiting you from being your true highest self.  When you find yourself saying           ” that person does not know what they are talking about”- stop yourself and try to dig deeper with that person to understand exactly what it is they are pointing out.  Try to remove the blocks that keep you from hearing and use these messages to go deeper within yourself to explore and understand those things that you need to confront- both within yourself and in your environment.  Then face those fears instead of stuffing them, running from them, or escaping from them through TV, drugs, or other distractions.  This is no easy task, its a challenge you have to be willing to struggle and work through.  I was not trying to be blind to my issue, I was trying to understand but it took work and a willingness to stick with it, to tell the Universe that I wanted to understand, to demand to understand inorder for me to finally see.  No less will be required of any of you who choose to face the shadows within yourselves.

When we see the totality of who we are with our faults, flaws, and blind spots we also are allowed to fully experience the splendor of the divine beings we truely are.  The work and effort are worth the rewards within ourselves.  September looks to be a good month for facing the fears and shadows  that August kicked up.  I wish you all luck and courage.

With Love and Light